Job 13:2
by SoupSpecial
Summary: "I prayed to you, Cas. Every night." "I know." (Drabble warning)


First I'd like to say sorry. I can't seem to get feels right. (I can't make people feel the feels) but anyway, hope you enjoy my pain. I had to write something over the hiatus.

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Cas wished it would stop. They had been trapped for only a week and he could feel himself slipping into madness. The days were long, riddled with an endless search for safety and escape from danger. He had only needed to fight once, a small vampire that couldn't understand his own power. It had ended with him flying away and crouching by the river, knees tucked to his chin and eyes slammed shut.

The world itself felt familiar, as if he had imagined it somehow, or dreamed of it. He felt like he fit. The wind was always cold, with no sun in the sky and everything gave him pains. Even the air smelled of death laden with poison and fire. There was no punishment; Purgatory wasn't a place of torture, but neither was it a place to rest. It was a reminder, always whispering seductively in your ear about the living world, but also screaming at you about being stuck in between salvation and Hell. It toyed with Cas' freedom, never letting him sleep but allowing him to roam and do what he wished. The day allowed him to survive, but never allowed him to live.

The nights were the worst of all of his punishment. He found somewhere safe to rest and try to heal, but never sleep. And in these sleepless nights he found himself trying to releive the weight that had somehow settled in his chest.

_Cas, hey. It's me, uh, I hope you're doing alright, those gorilla wolves really got the jump on me but hey, I'm fine. So, if you're okay. . . Or if you're not, it'd do me some good to see you._

The moment in his prayers when Cas could feel Dean's presence still, was what killed him. He could sense the hope that went along with the way the hunter held his breath. Cas looked at his calloused hands, suddenly very ashamed. He waited as Dean slowly faded off, and couldn't tell whether the breath that caught was the man's or his own.

_Okay, Cas, I've looked for you all day today and came up empty. You must've jumped pretty far out. Any chance you're going to show up soon?_

_Cas, you alright? I'm beginning to think you're putting me on silent here. _

_Cas, please._

_Cas, I want to know if you're safe, you playing some sick game of hide and seek or something?_

_Cas._

_Cas, I'm in some trouble, there's too many of them and I don't think I can hold them off for much longer._

Within seconds Cas had stretched his wings and with one swift movement he was there. He stopped himself before landing and decided to conceal his presence in the foliage, so Dean wouldn't see him.

Dean was sitting on an old tree stump, elbows on his knees and head bowed to look at his clasped hands. Blood caked his face and matted his hair.

Cas stood there for a long time and watched Dean as he waited. The sight was selfishly comforting, watching the hunter breathe and sigh and shake his head in excruciating disappointment. Cas wished that he could gather dean up in his wings and fly somewhere safe, but he knew that there was nowhere safer than what he was doing now. And that was the painful part.

Cas left just after he saw Dean wipe his eyes and stand, not wanting to risk any more heartache.

_Come on, you sonovabitch, answer!_

_Cas, I think I've found a way out of this dickhole, please come back. _

_**Please**_

There was one night in which Dean didn't pray. Cas paced impatiently and waited for the swell in his gut and the voice in his head. Instead he found a lump in his throat and his heart racing. Eventually gave up in waiting and was by Dean's side in an instant. He allowed the feeling of blood course through his heart rapidly for but a moment, until he found what he was looking for.

Beneath a tree, slumped and tucked between its huge roots, the hunter was soundly sleeping, eyelashes splayed over his freckled cheeks. His forehead was still smeared with the same blood as before, and he smelled of the vampire that he had begun to "roll with" as Dean would say. His hair was also matted with sweat and blood, even his eyelids were dirty, only revealing their filth in much needed slumber.

Being a human, Dean was able to sleep in purgatory. Something Cas seemed almost envious of now, as time seemed to go quicker in dreams. Judging by the bags under his friend's eyes, it looked as if he needed the rest, though the look was not unfamiliar. Cas picked his chapped lips and swallowed, kneeling beside the hunter quietly.

He watched, saw Dean's chest rise and fall rapidly behind a grimy shirt. He was also clutching something in his right hand. Cas had to look past the knife in his left hand to get a better look at the small object. The ragged fingers twitched around a beaded necklace, with pearls and silver chain. He held a small charm on the end between his thumb and forefinger.

It was a rosary.

Dean had fallen asleep before he had even begun to pray.

Cas grimaced at the thought and gently touched Dean's forehead with his palm, fingers running through greasy hair on the crown of his head. The hunter sighed, and Cas could almost see the life swirl out of him like hot breath in winter.

Dean was so _warm._

So warm and awake and alive. No wonder monsters were after him, the amount of life in him radiated like a neon sign.

The other hand fell to Dean's chest, following the steady rise and fall with his eyes as well as his hand.

Cas closed his eyes and let tears settle on his cheeks.

Dean's eyes opened, and Cas was gone.

_"I prayed to you Cas, every night."_

_"I know."_

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Thanks for reading, I'm off to do art projects and procrastinate essays *flails uselessly and flies into the sun*


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